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The day started out like usual with me lying in bed trying to convince myself that it wasn’t time to get up yet. A few minutes later Dylan came into my room to announce that, like usual, the little kids were trying to make breakfast by themselves and it wasn’t going well. This happens when you have fiercely independent toddlers who like to get up a 6:30 am and a mom who likes to get up at 7:00 am.
So when I walked into the kitchen to take over, the counter looked like this.
(* weep for all the wasted milk *)
And the floor looked like this.
And as soon as breakfast was done, I had a sneaking suspicion that Ashy needed a diaper change.
Except that I had no time today for the usual destruction. My good friend E was coming over that afternoon to help me with some simple, cheap ideas to dress up the living room and kitchen before company arrives next week.
A crazy, messy start is okay I kept repeating in my head. I have all day to recover from breakfast. It’s going to be okay… until E called and moved up our decorating consult several hours.
It’s still okay. Just keep them busy.
Which I did for most of the morning. But then, I was out-maneuvered while I was working on laundry. I came upstairs to put clean towels away and walked into a twisted Kotex calamity.
Fine. I didn’t want to have periods anymore anyway.
After a quick pick up, it was lunch … at Wendy’s. I wasn’t taking any chances with sandwich condiments and carpets. It just seemed like tempting fate and I knew who always won. And, for sanity, a quick stop at the corner gas station with their wonderful drive-through service for my beloved 44oz. caffeine free diet Pepsi.
Yes! I made it. Just herd the kids inside, set your drink down on the counter, get Ashy to bed for her nap, send the kids downstairs for a quiet time movie and you’re home free!
Except that Ashy was in no mood to go down for a nap, and the kids kept wandering upstairs. And of course Creepy kept trying to climb up on the counter and steal a drink of mom’s …
… soda.
(*weep for the spilled soda*)
Agh. I can do this. Just grab the mop bucket, add some smelly lemon cleaner stuff, fill it in the tub with hot water … then race down stairs to swap out laundry again … then back upstairs to grab the mop and bucket and--what the …?
Why won’t the door open? It’s locked. Hmmm. Bad sign.
“Open the door, now, bud.” I said in a seriously deep mom voice.
(Like how I did that? I say ‘bud’ when I don’t actually know which sneaky weasel is responsible, but want to sound all-knowing).
I was greeted with a panicked, deer-in-the-headlights look from Kade. At first glance, I figured he’d just been recklessly applying mascara to his eyes and the counter and knew he was busted. (Plus that shade of mascara totally washes him out). Little did I know ….
After banished him to his room for time out, I quickly grabbed the mop bucket, cleaned the kitchen floors and had just enough time to stash everything away in the bathroom before my friend E arrived. Phew. So glad I got the floors cleaned before she arrived.
Or not.
After E left, I went back into the bathroom to dump out the mop water and put away Kade’s makeover mess. Savannah came in behind me, took one look at the dirty mop water and scrunched up her nose.
“That’s NASTY, mom.”
“I know, Savannah,” I began tersely. “That’s all the gross dirt and cereal and milk and pop that you guys spilled all over the floor.”
“Nope,” Savannah said, looking even more grossed out. “That’s nasty pee water.”
“It’s not pee water,” I insisted, dumping the water out and washing off the mop. “It’s just yellow cleaner with all your dirt mixed in.”
“No,” said Savannah, shaking her head emphatically. “It’s pee water. I saw Kaden pee in the bucket.”
……………………… Excuse me, what?………………………….
“Yeah …” she continued, “He just totally peed in the water before you mopped the floor. Nasty.”
And just like that, she casually walked out of the room.
I sat there, stunned, trying to pick my jaw off the floor.
So let me get this straight: I just had a good friend come over, give me decorating tips and walk all over my floors that had been stripped of cereal, milk, dirt and pop using …. urine.
I slumped down on the toilet seat and pulled my baseball cap down over my eyes.
Laugh or cry?
I did both.
10 comments:
Hahaha, man that sounds like days at my house. That's priceless and one for the scrapbooks for sure!
I know I shouldn't be laughing...but I can't seem to help myself...
All I can say is WOW! Thanks for sharing.
Oh my, I'm glad you were able to laugh about it and share. Your stories always cheer me up, I don't know how you keep up with 6. I have a hard time with one.
Love it Neek. So glad you have a sense of humor about all this.
WOW and you had the strength to blog? YOu are super mom!
Phew! If you can get through that, then I can handle my one year old not wanting to nap. Too funny. After wards... I'm sure it was not funny at the time!
Oh poor Nike! What a day! Just remember the yellow mop water story when Kade is dating! PAYBACK! lol. Glad you are such a positive person I think I might have cried after the first few disasters! :)
As I was reading I was thinking typical kid stuff but...peeing in the mop bucket. Geez! What goes through kids heads to make them think 'Oh I have to pee maybe I should just use Mom's mop bucket". Crazy kids!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OMGosh! I was laughing so hard I cried! My kids came in to see what I was lauging at...my oldest got a laugh out of it too. I know sweetie at the time YOU were not laughing! I have to tell you a story..kinda long..many many years ago (1971) a little girl was being watched by her Dad ( Mom was at work) Dad put little girl down for nap and decided to take one as well. Dad slept on couch and Little girl got up and smeared Crisco all over everything. Dad woke up (got mad) then proceeded to clean up using laundry detergent. next day....dad puts little girl to bed (she is supposedly asleep) and he takes a nap. Little girl wakes up and then "cleans" the apartment with laundry soap. EVERYWHERE. Dad was not happy...flash forward 28 years little girl is grown now with rugrats of her own. Youngest is 1. Grown up little girl has visiting teachers coming over at 4pm. Cleans house all day. Puts toddler and 1yr old down for naps. Rest on her laurels, thinking "ahhhhh! the house is clean!" Little kids are up, no big deal. Grown up girl goes into living room to watch tv while little kids play in bedroom. Next thing grown up hears 1 yr old pushing picnic basket around on floor of hallway and kitchen. No big deal, he does this all the time. The basket is his walker type toy of choice. It gets quiet, then the smell hits grown up girls nose...what in Hades???!!! OMgosh that reeks! Grown up girl goes into kitchen to find 1 yr old covered in oil, grease and stench! 1 year old had gotten into the cupboard and pulled out the jar of nasty grease that was from hamburgers and whatevere else had been fried for the last month. Said jar had a foil "cap" on it 'cause the real lid had been thrown away. grown up girl tried so hard not to gag as she raced 1 year old to the bathroom for a quick bath (check time here..3pm). Toddler and 1 year old are locked into bedroom with baby gate while grown up girl tries to find something to clean up the greasy, oily mess...out of paper towels...don't want to use the bath towels...crap! Hubster just took all the newspaper out to the garage for something! Maybe there's some left....Grown up girl finds the newspaper and tries to soak up the mess. Opens all the windows and doors to get the smell out. 3:15. Newspaper isn't working so great, but it's all she has. Finally grown up girl gets most of the grease cleaned up, noe she can mop...again. And again. One more time just to be sure. Grown up girl sits down and is ready for tears. She can still smell the nastiness of the grease. Realizes it's her clothes and changes. 3:45. Visiting teachers call and say they are going to be late. Grown up girl lets little ones out of confinement and calls her Grandma....remember that story of a little girl who greased up the apartment? Let her tell you what her dear little one did today....
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