Face Is Five

Another birthday, another chance to throw the Mommy Propaganda Machine (MPM) in gear.

Way back in February, TDHD got into the movie Monsters vs. Aliens and went through the usual phase of watching it obsessively and arguing over who got to be Dr. Cockroach, B.O.B. and Link.  Face (Kade) was by far the most smitten.  And even though I knew their mania would be short-lived, I couldn’t pass up an online deal for 90% off Monsters vs. Aliens birthday supplies.   

So for five months I’ve had all of this birthday stuff sitting in a box for Face, wondering how I was going to pull this off.

Enter the MPM.

A week before his birthday, I put away his current favorite Star Wars movie and ordered Monsters vs. Aliens from Netflix.  Then I shelved the usual TV time rules and encouraged TDHD to watch it whenever possible.  I was also sure to toss out strategic comments here and there to reinforce the movie’s presence into their subconscious:

Who wants the blue sucker like B.O.B. or the green sucker like Link?

Who wants to take out the garbage like Dr. Cockroach? Dr. Cockroach loves garbage?

Who wants to listen to the Alien Song (Axel F) on iTunes?

By Monday, Operation Please Don’t Make Me Buy More Full Priced Officially Licensed Birthday Crap, was in full swing and seemed to be going well.  So during quiet time, I took the gamble and baked up two garishly colored half sheet cakes.  While TDHD watched The Movie downstairs, I got these little babies cooled, wrapped and into the freezer for Thursday’s shindig.

The big day arrived and I was taking no chances: Monsters vs. Aliens was put on repeat in the DVD player.  Face was giddy, bouncing off the walls and sooooo excited for Dad to come home with pizza and presents.  During nap time, I drug out the frozen cakes and a quadruple batch of the World’s Greatest Frosting. 

Seriously, this frosting is magic and I loathe frosting.  I hate the thick, nasty, shortening-y taste that most frostings have.  But this stuff has NO SHORTENING, NO POWDERED SUGAR and a secret ingredient that will freak you out.  The end result is light and smooth  like real whipped cream.  Delish.

Anyway …

I sliced up the frozen cakes and shmeared on the frosting with a spoon using the same technique from my 4th of July wonder.  I have to admit: at this point it was  freakishly the same shape and size as a shoe box, but I soldiered on. 

 

Twenty minutes after firming up in the frig it looked like  … a glacier.

Now, a few things to note.

I am something of an expert when it comes to making cakes … and by expert I mean I took a beginner cake decorating class 17 years ago and recently read a stacked cake tutorial online.  So don’t worry if many of the features on my cake look a little different from the ones you make.  For example, most beginners go for cakes that are level, smooth and upright.  However, as an expert,  I prefer a more custom, after-market look. 

Like when I let the cake layers thaw too much before frosting them and they crumbled everywhere, creating the lovely confetti frosting? 

Intentional.  Everyone loves confetti.

And the slightly sloping cake top?

Also intentional.  Everyone can make a flat cake, but only experts attempt a 3% downgrade on stacked baked goods.

And the notched out bottom and bowed out side?

Yup.  Just another intentional design choice ala Guggenheim.

While dinner was baking away at 425 in the center rack, I set to work on the birthday table.

Immediately I noticed that I had a problem, and no, it wasn’t the ridiculous, random, empty window frame on the kitchen wall.  (Gotta fix that wall. Soon.)

No, the problem was that I had failed to order an appropriately themed tablecloth to match the decor.  Crap.  The regular tablecloth was helpfully covered in spilled oatmeal from breakfast and was sadly still wadded up in a ball waiting to go down to the laundry room.  The spare tablecloth was unusable since it didn’t match, and I didn’t go through months of storage and days of propaganda to have this dumb themed table ruined by a mismatched tablecloth.

The only option was to rummage around the linen closet for something—anything—that would sorta match, which in this case meant a queen sized sheet that the kids had wadded up into a ball and shoved in the corner  folded carefully and placed on the shelf.  I’m just going to pretend that the wrinkles are intentional.

Another little glitch appeared when I went to put the decorator kit on Face’s cake.  In going for height, I had sacrificed precious surface area and had … um … no room left to put his name, a message or important stuff like that.  Even the cheap little figurines were crazy crowded.

I also noticed that I had failed to follow the frosting directions and the whole “store at room temperature” thing.  The recipe said that refrigerating the mix may cause separation.  Turns out they were right.  Oh well.  Looks Like Crap can still Taste Good.

So I moved the figurines and cut outs around, and then popped in five sparkly trick candles from the cake decorating box.  The only bad thing was that it turns out they’re neither trick nor sparkly.

Doesn’t matter.  Face is Five!

I love, love this kid.  I’m so excited that he’s five and gets to go to school with the Big Three in a few weeks.  Happy Birthday, bud!

TDHD got a kick out of cake time.   This thing was so tall that each one inch slice would teeter precariously and then tumble over into blocks of neon cake.  The last few uneaten slices put up a good fight, but finally collapsed in a spectacular heap as the kids laughed and cheered. Like a good mom, I chose to ignore the cleanup mess until later.

Face loved opening presents, as you might expect.  His favorite was the Charlie Train—the latest in the never ending line of Thomas Trains that will keep parents poor for years.  Thank you HIT Entertainment, Inc.

After I told him that the blue frosting smears on his lip made him look like Dr. Cockroach, he disappeared for a minute and then returned with a giggle. “How ‘bout now?” he asked.  You’re right.  Now you look like Dr. Cockroach.

While the kids ran off to watch Face play with his new Charlie train, I asked Insectosaurus to make sure that no one got into the collapsed pile of cake on the table.

And he did great.  He never left his post or ducked out to use the bathroom once.

So I’m not really sure what happened while I was washing dishes, because when I went to box up the left over cake ...

… all that was left was the messy, frosting smeared tray.

Weird.

Happy Birthday Face.